How Will You #CheckYourBoys?
We’ve really been loving SoulPancake‘s ‘That’s What He Said’ series, which now has four episodes up on YouTube. The premise is very simple: get a group of 10 guys together to talk about issues like self-esteem and body image, dating and relationships, and gender equality. They’re definitely aligned with Next Gen Men’s mission to unpack society’s narrow ideas about masculinity, but I think what I really appreciate about the discussions is the honesty with which these guys are reflecting on and sharing their stories publicly.
In one of the recent episodes on the broad topic of ‘Women’ — which did hone in on some specific issues around street harassment, sexism, and sexual consent — one of the older guys shared:
“It made me think about growing up, I used to talk to girls on the street and I’ve now looked back on it and realized how little it had to do with them — it was all about me, often showing the guys around me what a man I was”
Later in the episode, the guys talk about how easy it can be to fall into casual sexism and misogyny even with, or maybe especially with, our close friends. It’s often difficult to recognize these everyday comments and actions when they happen and to know how/when/if to call someone out on them. I like Jay Smooth’s advice from his vlog a couple years ago, “How To Tell Someone They Sound Racist,” which also obviously is applicable to sexism and many other forms of oppression that we encounter.
By the end of the episode, the guys resolve to stop being passive bystanders when they witness casual sexism and ask “How Will You #CheckYourBoys?” (Could probably also double as a hashtag for one of Movember’s campaigns, but anyway…)
Last week, Jermal talked about this idea with some of the boys in our programs, and this is what their brainstorm came up with:
The message in the first image really got to me.
I was actually on a basketball team when I was the same age as these guys, and early in the season, our coach suggested that one of the players from the girls’ team might play for us. She was objectively talented enough and tall enough to play power forward with the guys, was an unselfish player, and would have made our team better, but when they heard this, the older guys on our team and the so-called ‘star players’ freaked out and said they would boycott or quit the team. Ultimately our coach and/or our potential new teammate backed down from this idea — obviously feeling unwelcome.
I knew this was wrong when it happened, but I didn’t know how to speak up and say something at the time — my 12-year old self just didn’t have the courage to do so. I still feel terrible when I remember it now. Even today, when stuff like this happens, sometimes I know how and when to respond, but sometimes I’m still too slow to react.
All this to say, that when we do encounter sexism, racism, homophobia and transphobia, or any other forms of oppression, it’s really important to use the power and privilege that we have, when we have it, to support personal, institutional, and societal shifts towards social justice and equity.
I’m really glad that Jermal is talking with the boys in our program about some of these issues, and I do hope that beyond simply articulating a message on a whiteboard, it’s the start of a lasting commitment to check themselves and to check others.
— Jason