The 'Why' of Self-Improvement
On July 22, we held an NGM Circle event on the topic of Masculinity & Self Improvement. Long-time volunteer and new Youth Program Coordinator Brett Ing wrote this reflection afterwards.
By Brett Ing
I’ve always been huge on self-improvement and have sought out, come across, or been targeted by many sources promoting a healthier self.
I found it fascinating to discuss with the participants both the harmful and positive effects that self-improvement culture can have. Every individual walks a line between what is empowering for self-development and what is perpetuating existing standards of masculinity or reinforcing insecurities among men.
For example, gyms, gym culture, and working out. We all know that consistent exercise will help us live longer, healthier lives, but there’s also a side to gym culture that’s about unrealistic expectations about what men should look like and how they should act.
Today, self-improvement has become a huge industry that leverages technology, social media and comes in many shapes, sizes and forms.
We were all able to come up with different types of ads, podcasts, books, courses and our experiences with trying to improve ourselves: these things can coincide with our own values, with what society tells us, or represent a combination of both.
And I think we were all honest enough to admit that it really isn’t always easy to know the difference.
We found this by doing deep, introspective work to differentiate what is coming from a place of our values while reminding ourselves of why we are committed to self-improvement.
For example, why do I care about going to my MMA gym? Why do I want to be skilled at combat? Is it primarily to be able to protect myself and others? Is it primarily a social place for me to feel belonging? Or as a man, does part of me also want to feel stronger or more dominant than others if push comes to shove?
In short, which values matter to me, why do they matter, and perhaps most importantly, can I separate what I want for myself from what our patriarchal culture has told me I should want?
We were also careful to define these two concepts—self-improvement as a process that, as humans, we have a natural desire for—and the self-improvement industry that often aims to profit from people rather than help facilitate that desire to grow.
At the end of the day, self-improvement as a process and as an industry are still founded on the notion that we need to change in some way, but real change can’t occur when we are coming from a place of non-acceptance in wanting to change or improve.
As Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
But as one of our volunteers, Chris said, “There’s no money in self-acceptance.”
See you all next time!