The False Dichotomy of ‘You’re Either Sexist or Feminist’
Photo by Olia Danilevich
By Veronika Ilich
From the Future of Masculinity weekly newsletter, where our community’s hearts and minds come together each week to do the work, tell the stories, and build the blueprint for a future where men and boys experience less pain and cause less harm.
Earlier this month, we received this question from a follower:
I’ve often read or heard that ‘either you’re feminist either you’re sexist.’ How come such a choice is valid?
For us, it’s really important to start from an understanding of what sexism is, and seeing it as a systemic force. This means that people of all genders often uphold and reproduce sexism in their daily lives, and it affects people of all genders (albeit in different ways).
Read more: Check out our past blog article, Why Patriarchy Hurts Men Too to delve deeper into this topic.
What does it mean to be ‘sexist’?
Sexism is prejudice or discrimination based on the belief that one sex is superior to or more valuable than another sex. Sexism imposes limits on what women and girls AND men and boys can and should do—and often erases nonbinary people entirely.
The concept of sexism was originally formulated in the second wave of feminism in the ’60s to raise consciousness about the oppression of girls and women under patriarchy.
By the early 2000s, it had sometimes been expanded to include discrimination against any sex, including men and boys, intersex people, and transgender people.
We often say that once you see something, you can’t unsee it—which goes for sexism as much as it does for anything else. Sexism is woven into our society and perpetuated by every social institution, often unconsciously by people who mean well.
It takes continuous work to see and understand it, but anyone with internet access and social connections will likely come across critiques of sexism or experience other ways in which it’s made visible to them—but sometimes people can go a really long time without seeing it. Some people never do.
What does it mean to be ‘feminist’?
The most common definition of feminism is the belief in and advocacy of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.
Throughout history feminism has undergone multiple waves, each focusing on advocating for further rights and equal treatment.
Feminism is a direct reaction to sexism—which is clearly outlined by feminist author and activist bell hooks:
“Simply put, feminism is a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression. This was a definition of feminism I offered in Feminist Theory: From Margin to Center more than 10 years ago. It was my hope at the time that it would become a common definition everyone would use. I liked this definition because it did not imply that men were the enemy. By naming sexism as the problem it went directly to the heart of the matter. Practically, it is a definition which implies that all sexist thinking and action is the problem, whether those who perpetuate it are female or male, child or adult. It is also broad enough to include an understanding of systemic institutionalized sexism. As a definition it is open-ended. To understand feminism it implies one has to necessarily understand sexism.”
Read more: Want to know about the different waves of feminism and how men fit in them? Pick up our Future of Masculinity Zine for our article, Riding the Waves: A Short History of How Men Fit Into the Feminist Movement.
So where does that leave us?
Back to the question, when folks see and understand sexism, they are faced with a choice: maintain the status quo, or seek to change their beliefs and behaviours and challenge systems.
The former could be understood as a sexist choice (they see and understand sexism but either deny, dismiss, or downplay it), and the latter as a feminist choice to build a fairer society.
It is black and white in many ways, but in many other ways, it’s quite grey.
For example, since it’s a continual journey to learn about sexism and to unlearn our beliefs and behaviours that uphold it, I’d say someone can be trying to be feminist, and still say or do sexist things.
It happens all the time. Does that mean they’re no longer a feminist? Some folks would say it depends on how they react: do they double down defensively on the sexist action, or do they seek to understand and repair the harm?
It is also possible for someone unaware of sexism to make feminist choices based on their values of fairness, equity, and so on.
Children often do this as they question why they and their peers are divided by gender or why they are barred or discouraged from certain things based on gender. Is a person who unknowingly makes feminist choices a feminist?
What’s more, I think it’s entirely possible to meet people who support sexist policies to govern the lives of others but support feminist values in their private lives or vice versa—people who support feminist policies but regularly behave in sexist ways in their private lives.
It’s also not uncommon to see people who support some feminist values (like pay equity) but who won’t support other feminist causes (such as people’s right to access abortion). So what are they, feminists or sexists?
Perhaps it’s more accurate to label someone’s actions, beliefs, or behaviours as feminist or sexist, rather than them as a person. Maybe this leaves more room for nuance and more space for growth or change.
An old sociological theory called labelling theory, states that when someone is labelled, they might become excluded from groups that would offer them more diverse perspectives, and they might begin to limit themselves and act according to that label. In other words, if someone is labelled as sexist, they might double down on that as an identity, particularly if they are facing exclusion from peer groups that could challenge sexist ideas. So once labelled sexist, how do they turn that around?
Sometimes, especially on social media, folks want to simplify the world by creating false dichotomies—you’re either feminist or sexist, for example. And maybe sometimes it is that simple, but maybe it’s not always that clear. People are complex and nuanced. The social world is complicated and layered.
I’m not so sure that such dichotomies are very helpful in actually describing the world. Instead, they might cover up the complex ways people encounter and perpetrate oppression as individuals and within systems.
Values are often a site of cognitive dissonance, and labels like ‘feminist’ or ‘sexist’ sometimes hide the truth of the conflicts that dissonance creates.
Some of our staff, volunteers, and supporters proudly claim the label of feminist, and some shy away from it, seeing it as an ideal that they perhaps can’t fully embody (and perhaps no one can).
Similar to the word ‘ally,’ they don’t feel that ‘feminist’ is a label they can claim but rather see it as a set of values that they try to embody, even imperfectly.
But all of us agree that sexism and patriarchy are problems to be solved. The labels might just be secondary to that goal.
Veronika Ilich is the Community Coordinator for Next Gen Men. Find her at NGM events, on the Modern Manhood Podcast, or on our online NGM Circle forum! She is passionate about social justice, and in particular, gender-based violence prevention and eliminating poverty. She is now pursuing a Masters in Social Work at the University of Calgary.