5 Lessons We’ve Learned From Hosting Online Programming For Boys
Cards For Masculinity card (Photo via Jonathon Reed)
Since we’re writing the Status of Boys Report (thanks to the Next Gen Menbers’ support!) we’ve been working hard to understand and unpack the intertwining relationship of adolescents, online trends and masculinity that young boys are navigating every day. All these topics have us reflecting on our very own online Summer Camp we hosted online to connect with the boys we would have normally seen in person. Read all the lessons Jonathon Reed, Next Gen Men’s Youth Manager, learned while navigating our first version of what is now our free NGM Alliance hosted on Discord.
I remember the striking moment in which I first looked back on how much I had learned over my first year of facilitating Next Gen Men’s youth programs. I guess you don’t always notice the ground passing beneath your feet until you look back and realize how far you’ve come—that’s what it’s like to look back on our foray into facilitating youth programs online.
In the spring, the only thing we knew about leveraging an online space was that it was our best way to support youth in the midst of a really tough time. We piloted a cohort on Zoom, then built an unprecedented summer program on Discord which is now being adapted into an ongoing community for young adolescent boys.
Throughout our time as trailblazers in boys’ programming online, we’ve picked up a few lessons. Whether they help you continue to adapt to online education, or simply give you an opportunity to look back on the summer of COVID-19, here’s what we’ve learned.
When the Minecraft Realm began, it was an empty hill with a few trees and a hastily constructed shelter. As the weeks passed, an entire world took shape in front of my eyes. The boys built a shared castle, joined forces to explore the underworld, formed a fledgling economy and designed events within their own high-tech parkour course, Roman Colosseum battleground, and Hunger Games arena—and so on. It was boys’ creativity and teamwork at its finest.
One of the perks of an online summer camp was shared access to the Netflix reboot Lost in Space.Each episode would begin with a high-energy count-down so we could all start watching at the same time. At a particularly dramatic cliffhanger midway through the summer, two boys immediately started begging for me to let them watch the next episode. “I’m not sleeping until I see episode seven,” one of them declared. Eventually, I told him they could keep watching, but only if they did so together. “Bet,” he responded in unmistakeable teenage slang. “DM me.” Watching the two of them shift to direct messaging was like seeing two boys at summer camp throw their arms around each other’s shoulders.
I wrote a message to check on one of the young teenagers who hadn’t been around as much. “I’m really sorry man,” he wrote back. “I’ve been just dealing with some stuff in my personal life and it’s made me close in on myself, and I haven’t been talking to anyone.” In my response, I invited him to join an upcoming yoga session. He ended up connecting just as we started Warrior II pose. “Feel the ground beneath your feet,” said the yoga instructor. “Know that the past is in the past. It doesn’t define you. You have a place to be and a person to become.” Over the summer, our timing wasn’t always perfect—but sometimes it was.
At the end of Next Gen Men’s youth programs, each boy receives a handwritten affirmation describing some of the best qualities we saw in them throughout our time together. This time, we sent them in the mail as far as California. “I got your letter,” one of the boys messaged me a week or two later. “You said some really kind things. Thank you soooooooooooooooo much for it.” Part of me wonders what our youth program participants do with the letters, but most of me is glad to have the opportunity to say something positive and true in a way that resonates.
Over the summer, we used Next Gen Men’s Cards For Masculinity deck to have thoughtful discussions about big topics.In one of our rounds, the boys asked me to answer the questions as well. I drew a question about consent, and talked about supporting a young person with mental health and helping someone in the way they want to be helped. The boys were a bit taken aback. “Seriously,” one of them said, “I have never thought about consent in that way.” Often education about consent is prescriptive and limited in its scope, so it was meaningful to broaden their perspective and role model that kind of thinking for them as a young man.
In the weeks after our summer programming wrapped up, we received a number of emails from parents thanking us for the initiative that we had taken for their boys. This was one of my favourites:
“I think NGM Summer Camp felt like something special to my son...a place, albeit virtual, just for him. It’s impressive that in a short period of time, you were able to meet him where he’s at and support him in flourishing as his authentic self. I think it’s important for young boys to have a trusted mentor—an adult who’s had life experiences but isn’t their parent—to guide and support them, and really appreciate that role you played for him this summer.”
So what are taking away from the first time ever hosting an online summer camp?
Technology will always malfunction
Entire weeks would go by where it felt like our internet service providers were taking every opportunity to drop. It was frustrating because it turns out that roll- ing with the punches while facilitating is a lot easier when you’re together in person.
Failure is normal
I lost track of the number of things that I tried and failed. To even be willing to give an online community a shot, we had to be willing to fail—and fail publicly. That just-try mentality extended throughout NGM Summer Camp, and led to some of our biggest wins.
Presence beats design
The most memorable times that we spent together weren’t the activities that were most carefully crafted, or the ses- sions that were most well-attended. They was simply the shared moments where we were truly present with each other, open to empathy or laughter or whatever else our togetherness would bring.
Relationships are made of details
One of the biggest losses that COVID-19 dealt was the loss of physicality in our relationships. I’ve been dealing with this since the spring, but I’ve also learned that our relationships in youth programming have elements that are as rich as ever— the familiarity of boys’ voices saying hi, the impact of positive affirmations, the deep connection that can be found in ongoing togetherness.
Boys’ hearts are the same as they’ve always been
They want fun. They want to be able to make mistakes. Perhaps above anything else, they want to be themselves. To be truly known is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.