Why NGM Circle isn’t a Men’s Group
Photo from a NGM Circle event
“I’m so happy there are men’s support groups!”
This is something we hear often when we tell people about NGM Circle events.
We’re also happy that men’s support groups exist,* but that’s actually not what NGM Circle is!
It’s a frequent misunderstanding, though. Often when people hear about our monthly community events, they assume they are support groups for men. Why?
Well first of all, what throws people off might simply be our name—but just because we’re called ‘Next Gen Men’ doesn’t mean that we only talk to, with, or about men! We talk about gender, masculinity, and patriarchy—but these are issues that affect everyone.
The second reason folks might assume NGM Circle events are men’s groups is because men’s groups have become pretty popular since the 1990s.
In the 90s, there was a wave of men recognizing a need for connection and vulnerability among men, who wanted semi-therapeutic means to practice recognizing and sharing their feelings. While these men’s groups could be meaningful to individual men, they didn’t move the needle much on systemic gender inequality.
Our goals at Next Gen Men have always been about challenging the culture at the root of the pain men and boys feel as well as the harms they inflict on others—so we’re primarily talking about patriarchy. We believe that when it comes to violence and harm, prevention is key and we all have a role to play in changing our culture.
“So if it’s not a men’s group, why are the topics typically masculinity and _____?”
Since the harms of patriarchy have been a bit more obscured for men throughout time, we want to shed light on these issues. All men have been harmed by restrictive gender norms, but not all men have seen the threads connecting their experiences.
We also focus a lot of our conversations on men and masculinities, in an effort to really engage with men on gender equity—since this issue has often been painted as a ‘women’s issue’ (something that only affects women or femme people, and that women need to solve, which is decidedly unhelpful). Men have a big role to play in building a more gender-equitable world free from violence.
Dismantling patriarchy is everyone’s issue, and we all need to be involved in building a more equitable future for the next generation.
Is there a place for male-only spaces in the movement for gender equity?
For sure, and there are multiple male-only spaces within Next Gen Men, namely NGM Alliance and B.O.O.K. Club (I know, what is it with us and clubs?!). Yes, sometimes it makes sense to have male-only spaces. These spaces can help men, boys, and masculine folks to dig into their own privileges and experiences without saddling women, girls, and femme people with the burden of educating them on inequality. What’s more, in many cases, boys need an all-male space to really unpack masculinity and patriarchy—learn more about that from NGM Director of Programs Jonathon.
So yes, there are circumstances that call for male-only spaces. NGM Circle events just happen to not be one of them!
So what is the goal of NGM Circle events?
Circle events are a space for people across gender identities to unpack the ways in which patriarchy harms all of us and to see ourselves as stakeholders in the movement for gender equity. They’re a place for learning and unlearning, questioning, storytelling, and sharing. Most importantly, these events are a space for hope, and looking toward the future that we want—a future free from the constraints of patriarchy and all other forms of oppression.
*Not all men’s support groups are helpful. Some lean heavily on anti-women rhetoric. For a brief discussion of men’s groups, click here.