8 Big Feelings for Women’s History Month
Graphic from Penguin Random House
By Jake Stika
At NGM, we’ve been invited in various capacities to show up for International Women’s Day (March 8th—mark the calendar!). We are often one of, if not the only, men’s focussed organization there.
Why are we there? How should men show up for this day? Should we be handed microphones or should we sit back and shut up?
We hear these kinds of questions every year, and we ask them ourselves too. As much as our NGM community always has thoughts to share, who’s to say the space we take up wouldn’t be better used by another voice, or a future thinker. Shutting up sometimes is a legit course of action.
We know too, from the men and boys we talk to, that they might face these questions themselves—often without the same support and experience and benefit of the doubt that you might get when you’re a national gender equity non-profit.
Even eight years in, International Women’s Day and Women’s History Month help us learn (and unlearn!) something new about the feminist movement, because it’s a movement that offers a lot to learn from.
From experience, we know that when you’re just starting out on that path of understanding, each question also comes with a lot of feelings. And while many of them may just feel like frustration, it helps to learn to lift the veil and see each feeling for what (and why) it is. So that’s why this week, I wanted to take us back to the Emotions Wheel, which any alumni of our NGM Youth programs may remember as the handy inner-navigation tool we know and love!
Surprised
It may be astonishing or perplexing to us that women are still underrepresented in public life and decision-making as evidenced by representing only about 7% of Fortune 500 CEOs and Global Heads of State. Or maybe you feel disillusioned to think that, as recently as 2018, women still made $0.87 for every $1 a man made, despite women making up 58% of graduates from postsecondary institutions.
Bad
We might feel that we’re busy, stressed and tired, and that this day is to celebrate women so we should just let them have it ... but that doesn’t mean that we need to be there. We may feel the opposite of that and feel pressured into attending or speaking to something that we feel is out of our control and uncertain of how to sit in the space of.
Fearful
We might feel anxious and insecure by not knowing how to show up for this day. Some of us may even feel scared and threatened by the advancement of women into traditionally male-dominated spaces such as Science, Technology, Engineering, Math (STEM), politics, or leadership. The shifting landscape of gender norms and roles may overwhelm us and make us feel inferior or insignificant. Heck, there’s some of us who may feel excluded or persecuted.
Angry
There’s some of us who may feel humiliated, bitter, or frustrated by how men may be portrayed at some of these events or think-pieces. Or maybe by how we connect the dots between these ideas and issues, and the baggage we carry from painful past experiences. This could make us resentful, indignant, and either provoked or withdrawn.
Disgusted
We could, in 2021, feel awful that half of all women in Canada have experienced at least one incident of physical or sexual violence since the age of 16. It can be embarrassing to know that Canadians collectively spend $7.4 billion to deal with the aftermath of spousal violence alone. And it is downright appalling that approximately every six days, a woman in Canada is killed by her intimate partner.
Sad
We may feel guilt or remorse around some sexist things we’ve thought or said in the past.
We may feel powerless or despair at the magnitude of the issue and isolated with regards to the role little old us can play.
Happy
Heck yes! We may feel pride or optimism that not only is International Women’s Day, but now it’s Women’s History Month—progress at last! There are so many things to highlight and take part in this month that highlight how powerful and inspiring gender equality can feel. This flurry should hopefully leave us feeling confident, courageous, and optimistic that we are and will continue to make progress.
HOPE!
If you spend any time around me, you’ll know that whether it be managing the NGM team or tackling sticky topics around gender, I take inspiration from jiu jitsu—or rather, taking what is presented, using its energy against it, and flipping it on its head. I call it Jake Jitsu! (Sorry/not sorry!)
The reason I wanted to take all of us on a journey through the centre of the Emotions Wheel, is because all these feelings are legitimate, and they are all there to teach us something.
But as they say, feelings aren’t facts.
For men and boys figuring out what, how and why to celebrate International Women’s Day—whether they should even say ‘celebrate,’ whether they’re not supposed to take up airspace at all—these feelings are invitations to get to know our hearts and minds a bit better, and to find what we stand for when all the other social, mental or media noise disappears.
Because, at the end of the day, extending a helping hand to men and boys who are willing to show up, ask the questions, sit with the feelings, and do the work—that’s what NGM was made for, and that’s what gets me up in the morning. So here’s the good news, and here’s why I’m adding my own, eighth Big Feeling to the list. That feeling is: Hope.
I’m writing to you today because we do think, feel, and hear these things from men and boys all the time, which tells me something huge: men and boys are showing up. They are asking questions, feeling feelings, and looking for ways to create impact in their lives. And these folks, by choosing to keep thinking, feeling and, bit by bit, speaking up, will do way more good than my own words ever could.
What I would most love to see this IWD, or any day, is for all the men and boys in our community to do the inward work, the wrestling and flipping, as often as their feelings present it to them. That kind of work is often harder to do, not to mention harder for others to see—but it’s the work that will help us make the most social impact, when more voices choose the hard path rather than the simpler, keeping quiet and doing nothing.
Jake Stika is the Executive Director of Next Gen Men and one of its co-founders.