Bringing Youth to the Future of Masculinity
By Jonathon Reed
“We’re taught to man up if you can’t stand the violence on either side of you / And after all that, to laugh at all that—” I rapped into my microphone, “because if you’re not indifferent, you’re different / And bullies like difference the same way a gun range likes black silhouettes.”
I was in the midst of a slam poem as part of a virtual keynote presentation for a Toronto high school. The lyrics were flowing. More than 200 students were listening to my message.
Then one of them changed their video feed to the image of a swastika.
I took a breath.
A fellow educator kicked the participant out. I grounded myself in the belief that I was being called to role model resilience in the face of violence, and I finished the poem.
Afterwards, I adjusted the presentation to acknowledge what had happened, and give students a chance to explore what they could do to challenge sexism and racism in their everyday lives.
I could delve into the feelings that would motivate a teen boy to disrupt a presentation about gender equality. This blog post could be about the anti-feminist rhetoric that teens find on platforms like TikTok, YouTube and Reddit, or the insidious links between misogyny and white supremacy that flourish online.
Instead, I want to focus on hope.
I’m hopeful because we just finished our largest-ever youth event, a virtual summit that we called Future of Masculinity—and I’m hopeful because every single one of our youth participants brought authenticity, vulnerability and a willingness to connect.
In our workshop evaluations, 99 percent of participants said they felt safe and welcome. At the end of the summit, 94 percent said they would be interested in joining more spaces in the future like the one they had just experienced.
For an online gathering of teenagers—some of whom were part of NGM Alliance but many of whom were new to Next Gen Men—that’s noteworthy.
Here’s how it happened.
When each young person signed up, we checked in with them about the rules and community norms we uphold in our online spaces. We learned about their identity and interests, and gave them an opportunity to introduce themselves to the rest of the group.
When we gathered together for the first time, Ashanti Branch from Ever Forward Club grounded the summit in a session about authenticity and showing up as our true selves. The youth talked about the masks they wear when surrounded by their peers.
At the end of the summit, we asked the youth what they thought.
“One takeaway that I have from the summit is there are people in this world that will actually understand me,” an eighth-grader wrote. “There are always people who will listen to me. Sometimes when we have things we don't want to tell some people, there will always be others there for us.”
“For that, I am really glad.”
As a teenage boy, that’s a powerful thing to say. Positive role models and peer relationships make an uncountable difference for boys and young men.
Time and time again, boys show us that if we raise the bar, they will meet us there. If we create a space for meaningful discussions, they will fill it. If we offer them an alternative to the boys-will-be-boys culture that would motivate a student to disrupt a presentation, they will show up with open hearts and open minds.
That’s the future of masculinity.
Written by Next Gen Men Program Manager Jonathon Reed as part of Learnings & Unlearnings, a bi-weekly blog reflecting on our experiences working with boys and young men. Subscribe to Future of Masculinity to get Learnings & Unlearnings delivered to your email inbox.