3 Books for Trans Day of Visibility
By Jake Stika
I’ve learned a lot about what it means to ‘be a man’ from trans people—both those moving past their masculine identity and those working towards it. Cerebrally, I understood that gender is a performance, but I really only ‘got it‘ when a trans man explained to me how they had to change the way they checked their fingernails in order to pass as male.
Try it yourself. Men will overwhelmingly curl their fingers into their palms and twist their wrists to face themselves while women will extend their fingers and point their palms away from themselves. *click* That’s when it fell in place for me.
I think there's so much to learn from the leaders of breaking the binary. I do not struggle at all with gender dysphoria, but I did end up struggling with the idea of masculinity that was sold, and which I bought. Things like ‘you've got to be tough’, ‘you can't show emotion’, ‘you shouldn't ask for help’. Things like you have to look at your fingernails this way, and not that way.
I’m lucky, of course. My privilege as a straight, white, cisgender dude puts me, in the grand scheme of things, decidedly in the ‘minor gripes’ column of the gender world.
But it is something that has caused me to hurt myself, contributes to others potentially harming others, and causes extra confusion for folks transitioning away from or towards masculinity—what parts of their identity do they take away or leave behind?
Here are three books by trans authors that I feel offer some wisdom, or that offered some wisdom for me.
Amateur: A True Story About What Makes a Man
By Thomas Page McBee
In the peak of my youth, I was an athlete: 6’8”, 250 lbs, and often the biggest guy at the bar or in the team photo. I don’t know about you, but at least for me that often painted a target on my back for drunk and rowdy guys who wanted to prove their masculinity on any given night. Similarly, as a doorman on and off for 10 years, I know that simply my presence could be a threat to certain people.
This was a new experience for McBee—famous for being the first transgender man to fight a boxing match in Madison Square Gardens—as he transitioned into being a man. Is being a man being inherently violent? Does being a man simply mean that you are now an object of fear?
Not ready for a book? Check out McBee’s article: Why men fight.
Sorted: Growing Up, Coming Out, and Finding My Place (A Transgender Memoir)
By Jackson Bird
I feel I had maybe a similar upbringing as Bird when it came to the idea of ‘trans’. And, to be blunt, I'm pretty sure growing up it would have been the word ‘transsexual’ for me—often the pejorative shorthand.
Bird grew up in Texas in the 90s, barely knowing anyone who publicly identified as gay, let alone having a trans role model. With the “late-blooming” understanding of his own trans identity, Bird takes the time to explain trans terminology, his experiences with testosterone and binders, and little-known facts about gender and identity along the way. Meeting those of us who grew up far removed from trans identities where we're at, inviting us to learn and unlearn in a kind and generous way.
I'm Afraid of Men
By Vivek Shraya
Truth be told, I’ve been afraid of men too. For years, I have been afraid that if I told men I cared about them, then they would call me a fag. I have been afraid that if I didn't act a certain way, I would be labelled a bitch or a pussy. And that's just in ‘friendly’ company.
The reality is that trans women are at incredible risk of gender-based violence driven by deep-seated trans and homophobia that permeates even cis-heternormative relationships among men. The truth is that trans women, like all women, know many good reasons to be afraid of men. As a reminder to men of how they can be seen by people of other genders, this book stands out to me.
Jake Stika is the Executive Director of Next Gen Men and one of its co-founders.