Designing Cards For Masculinity
By Jonathon Reed
Two years ago, it started with a question: “What if we made a deck of cards?”
Over the course of Next Gen Men’s youth programs, we’ve engaged boys at countless schools, and seen firsthand how impactful these conversations—about gender, about relationships, about boys’ own identities—can be.
The answer we were looking for was how to multiply that impact.
Fast forward to Next Gen Men’s fifth anniversary this past fall. We were in the midst of a number of workshops and presentations marking Canada’s National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women. We were surrounded by teachers who were committed to bringing these conversations into the classroom, and young people who were inspired and excited to talk.
We started asking ourselves: What if the space we create in our workshops didn’t go away after we left? What if we could help them hold it themselves?
That’s when the idea of a card deck resurfaced. This time, we picked up the idea of a set of prompt questions to engage boys in big conversations, and started running.
Our first step was to generate a sprawling document that covered three weeks of work and almost 150 questions. Some questions were based on conversations that we had already had with the boys in our programs; others were conversations we wished we could have. We let our mission for empowering boys lead the way, including everything from mental health to Men’s Rights Activists to personal relationships.
Once we’d gotten up to speed, it was time to start refining. We grouped the questions with similarities and carefully considered how they might resonate with a group of boys. We cut some and added others.
When you open the card deck, for example, the question at the top of the deck is:
“Think about the different things you’ve learned about how to be a boy or man. What messages stand out to you the most?”
At first glance, it’s a simple question. What you don’t see is the time we spent pulling together several different questions about the influence of mainstream narratives of masculinity and turning them into an open-ended question focused on the perspective of the boy reading the question.
Conversely, a question you won’t see in the deck is: “What’s the difference between being found ‘not guilty’ and being innocent in the context of sexual violence?”
It didn’t get cut because it’s unimportant. We actually know that understanding a bit about how the legal system works can be an important step in learning about victim blaming and gender-based violence. We decided, however, that we wanted the deck to work in anyone’s hands—from a passionate teacher to a pair of adolescent boys—not just Next Gen Men facilitators.
We went through our list and ensured that each question didn’t need prior knowledge to be answered. That way the power of the card deck would be in boys’ willingness to engage in a discussion in which their thoughts and experiences are taken seriously. Some of this influence came from Adam Cox’s recent book Cracking the Boy Code:
“Adults’ respect and seriousness help to convey openness to boys’ ideals, as do questions that give boys a chance to experiment with those ideals.”
Click here to find out more about the card deck.
As we narrowed down the list to 50 questions in five categories, a real sense of excitement arose within the team. We created a resource based on Next Gen Men’s years of experience working with boys, and refined it based on the perspectives of experts in the field. We built it in-house from its inception to its design, and are now shipping worldwide a tool that will open doors in an entirely new way.
This card deck is ultimately about giving boys a space to reflect on themselves, their beliefs and behaviours. As Adam Cox wrote, “There is in most boys a yearning to be something more than they are.”
In other words, forget ‘boys will be boys.’ Boys will be what we give them the space to be.
ICYMI This Week
Kid culture (Aeon)
We need more white parents to talk to their kids about race. Especially now. (The Washington Post)
Beyond the locker room: Coronavirus isolation is an opportunity to teach boys about toxic masculinity (The Conversation)
Written by Next Gen Men Program Manager Jonathon Reed as part of Learnings & Unlearnings, a weekly newsletter reflecting on our experiences working with boys and young men. Subscribe to get Learnings & Unlearnings delivered to your email inbox.