What About Self-Defence?
© Next Gen Men 2019
By Jonathon Reed
“What if a girl hits a guy? Can he use self-defence?”
This is actually a relatively common topic within anti-feminist discourse. It’s arguably a straw man argument that conflates decency with chivalry and fails to adequately address issues of benevolent sexism and violence perpetration. But knowing that it was a genuine question from a young adolescent this week, I felt that it was worth reflecting on.
Firstly, it’s a good question because it does happen. According to an analysis of studies published in 2016, about 19% of men reported that they were victimized in relationships. A report in the UK found that more than 40% of domestic violence victims are male.
These statistics challenge the dominant assumption about the perpetration of violence by men against women. This is actually really important, not because the frequency and severity of violence perpetrated by men isn’t significant, but because there is a correlation between our cultural narratives about power and the continuation of cycles of violence. In a study last year boys were found to experience higher rates of physical neglect, sexual abuse and violence; and to be more likely to translate that trauma into violence perpetration.
In considering ‘self-defence,’ there’s a difference between attempting to physically protect yourself from significant harm, and striking someone in order to retaliate and to reassert dominance rather than be further emasculated. (In grade seven language: Are you trying to protect yourself or are you trying to win the fight?)
Violence leads to more violence. We know that objectively, but as boys we get told that our options in a combative situation are to take it, or fight back. That’s a false dichotomy, and it’s silencing countless male victims of violence. We have so many more options than that—both in terms of physically avoiding violence (i.e. self-defence, if you want to call it that) and in terms of communicating with trusted figures or authorities. By rejecting the idea that our fists are the best response to physical aggression, we can break ongoing cycles of violence.
It’s worth reflecting on.
Written by Next Gen Men Program Manager Jonathon Reed as part of Learnings & Unlearnings, a weekly newsletter reflecting on our experiences working with boys and young men. Subscribe to get Learnings & Unlearnings delivered to your email inbox.