Boys Will Be…Themselves (If We Let Them)
We made it to the big screen!
Next Gen Men is featured in a new Canadian documentary called Boys Will Be…Themselves, which explores the questions we’ve been grappling with—both as an organization and more broadly as a society—about what it means to ‘be a man.’
The documentary is personal for the filmmaker, our friend Dylan Rhys Howard, who is open about his own journey unpacking gender expectations and where it has led him.
It’s also personal for us, as Next Gen Men staff (both current and former), friends of NGM, youth from our programs, and our colleagues in the field of gender justice all took part—and our Community Manager, Veronika, worked on the film as Head Researcher.
Today, we sit down with Veronika and Youth Program Manager Jonathon to discuss the making of the documentary.
Why did you decide to take part in this documentary?
Jonathon: A few years before I started working with Next Gen Men, Jennifer Siebel Newsom created the documentary The Mask You Live In, and that was a really impactful film for me. I remember seeing Ashanti Branch, the facilitator of Ever Forward Club, doing the work that he was doing with boys and young men, and I was like, that's it—that's what I want to do. So I hope this documentary inspires people, just as I was inspired.
The Mask You Live In is pretty clearly American, so the idea of having a snapshot of masculinity closer to home here in Canada was something that I was really excited about as well.
Veronika: When Dylan asked me to take part in creating the documentary, it felt like way too cool of an opportunity to pass up! How often in your life will you be asked by a friend to help them make a documentary?! Unless you’re pals with a bunch of filmmakers, I’m guessing not too often. Of course, I might not have been interested in just any topic, but as soon as he told me his idea was to focus on the future of masculinity, I was 100% in.
First, because I wanted to tell the story of our work and highlight the work of others in the field of engaging men and boys in gender justice, because I think it's incredibly important work and not enough people are doing it. It would be great to have more people be inspired—much like Jonathon was with The Mask You Live In—to join this field, come build it with us, because we need more people.
Second, I wanted to share a story about gender equity and masculinity that frames it in a really hopeful way, that’s focused on the solutions rather than simply the problems. There are other documentaries that do a good job exploring the problems of patriarchal masculinity, like The Mask You Live In, which is great—we certainly want folks to understand the problems—but then the question is: well, what’s next? I think having something that points towards solutions that can take us to a different and more hopeful future is really encouraging. And to say: “Things can change, they’re already changing, here’s how you can be involved.”
And pointing to these different groups that are doing the work like ours…not only are we saying change is happening, we’re also inviting people to get involved.
Still from Boys Will Be…Themselves documentary
Whose voices or voices were you most excited about?
J: I was really interested in the opportunity to amplify the voices of boys themselves. As impacted as I was by The Mask You Live In documentary, it doesn’t feature that many boys’ voices, and I think that’s a huge missed opportunity. The people who are really reckoning with masculinity are young people, especially today. I think the voices of youth in terms of identifying what is it feel like to be told, ‘this is what it means to be a man’ when that’s not who you are…that’s a unique perspective that can really shine a light on those cultural forces.
It’s also worth acknowledging that they’re in the midst of negotiating…they're navigating those pressures, adhering to them, and also resisting them in really fascinating and powerful ways. So yeah, that was the most important thing for me was, we have a real opportunity here to listen to and to learn from the voices of the next generation of men.
V: This is a really hard question because I was excited about everyone’s voices! Obviously, I want to showcase some of the amazing people that I know in this field, including my own colleagues who do this work. So that was really exciting. But it was super important for us to have like a diverse group of people weighing in—we wanted to explore how patriarchy impacts everyone in both similar and different ways. And so even though not everyone we interviewed made it into the final cut of the documentary (which I was pretty bummed about, but we had very limited time to work within) it was still important that we spoke to a lot of different people with a lot of different experiences.
(For context, we had over 100 hours of footage and interviewed upwards of 50 people…and the final product needed to be 45 minutes long! We do hope to do more with that footage at some point.)
To get back to the question, though, I was excited to talk to everyone that we reached out to and felt so privileged that they would open their hearts and share so much with us.
Is there a moment in the documentary that resonates most with you?
J: It’s this really small piece, but I love that Dylan captured some of the behind-the-scenes work that we're doing at the school. A number of students were engaging in this mural painting project, so Dylan did some casual filming of us, in the midst of that sort of chaotic painting, just outside the school. And there’s this moment where one of the kids, I think Aksayan, is talking to me. I’m just washing paint brushes, and he throws his paintbrush and catches it and it makes me laugh. There’s no audio, but in my laughter, it’s like Dylan held up a mirror to myself, and I can just see how present and engaged I am.
Whenever I consider that, I imagine the impact of present and engaged caregivers and educators all across the country. I think of how many of us are connecting with young people and helping them become their best selves. So it’s that small sunny moment of presence that I just love.
V: It's probably the end of the documentary, because that’s really about the possibilities of the future and it’s the boys themselves putting it in the clearest and simplest terms for us: If boys were freely able to just be themselves, the world would be a better, kinder place, and we could be more connected. I cry every time I hear that, it doesn’t matter how many times I watch it. That always gets me because that's the world I want for them, you know?
It’s the world I want for all of us.
Still from Boys Will Be…Themselves documentary
What do you hope people come away with from the doc?
J: I hope that people see like the potential for themselves to be involved with the movement of engaging of empowering boys and young men in in positive masculinities…similar to how I watched The Mask You Live In and saw possibility for who I could be.
I want that for others, and more specifically, I want them to see that a it's not rocket science, you know? We do speak with some some researchers and experts, but by and large this work is being done by community members and role models—which could be any one of us.
And on the flip side, it’s not work that’s going to happen by accident. You have to make the choice to say ‘this matters to me’—whether it's mental wellbeing, healthy relationships, or positive cultural change and transformation—you have to make that choice.
V: Well, if people are watching it until the end, I hope they get to that final scene with the boys and they feel something. I hope they feel motivated, empowered, and hopeful. Like…“Where do I sign up?”
I also hope men in particular watch this documentary and feel seen and invited in. That was part of our goal too, that it might resonate for men who are at the beginning of a reckoning with masculinity or patriarchy—much like Dylan describes what he went through in the film. Maybe those men are feeling overwhelmed, anxious or unhappy about this reckoning that they’re having. I hope that they can watch this and think, “It’s okay. Other people have been through this. I don’t have to do this alone.”
So, recognizing that there are other people who care about pushing the conversation about masculinity forward in a positive way, and that there’s a place for you to be able to forgive, evolve, and be a positive force for good in your community. You don’t have to stay stuck, you know? Even if you’ve done things that hurt people in the past, there’s still a future for you, there’s a path back to your full humanity, and we’ll walk it with you.
Do you have a question about the documentary?
Come ask us in person at one of four film screenings happening across Canada this November. We’re hosting a screening in Toronto, Calgary, Vancouver and Edmonton, to celebrate our 8th birthday and reconnect with our community across the country. All are welcome to join us!