A Gender-Neutral Approach to Toxic Masculinity Won’t Work
Photo by Jonathon Reed
This is the second in a three-part series about why and how Next Gen Men’s youth programs and resources engage boys-only groups in schools.
Start by exploring what’s going on with boys and what schools can do to make a difference: Why Schools Should Commit to Combating Toxic Masculinity. Finish by reading How to Address Toxic Masculinity With Boys.
“We’re trying to take an all-gender approach at our school,” an administrator recently told us. “How can we justify a boys program when it doesn’t include or impact all members of our community?”
This is a question that comes up increasingly regularly in our conversations with schools.
Simply put, masculinity-focused interventions are the missing link for positive change in school communities. Here’s why.
The way boys envision masculinity often influences the way they act.
When we run Next Gen Men programs with adolescent boys, they’re quick to point out the effects of rigid cultural expectations of masculinity in their lives. We refer to these norms as the Man Box.
The Man Box doesn’t control boys’ behaviour. But it does present a limited set of options for how you’re supposed to act if you want to be a real man—and consequences if you don’t. If you show emotion, for example, you’re a baby. If you don’t fit in, you’re a girl. Back down from a fight and you’re a pussy. Keep it up and you’re a fag.
You get the idea.
Boys are hyper-aware of these potential repercussions. So they learn to play by the rules.
“Masculine norms that emphasize independence become harmful when boys—in their efforts to project an image of self-sufficiency and to prove that they can succeed on their own—end up feeling isolated and alone. Likewise, masculine norms that emphasize toughness become harmful when boys—in their efforts to project an image of strength and power, and to prove that they are not weak or unworthy—end up using violence and aggression to influence others.”
Working with boys to expand beyond the rigid constraints of the Man Box is the key to positive change. Boys are less than half as likely to have suicidal thoughts when they are ‘free’ of the Man Box. Acts of physical violence become ten times less likely, and acts of sexual harassment twenty times less likely.
That’s transformation.
Ignoring gender prevents you from impacting how boys construct masculinity.
But we can still talk about masculinity while using a gender-neutral approach, right? No, not really.
In a systematic review of health promotion programs studied in the last decade, masculine-focused interventions were consistently identified as more effective than programs without a male approach.
Think about it. Where are students learning what is expected of them as boys? Where are they practicing the attitudes, language and behaviour that will define them as young men? Where are they figuring out how to fit in with the status quo, and deciding if there are parts of it worth resisting?
It’s not in an all-gender, safe-space health class where boys are outnumbered and unlikely to speak up anyway. Sorry, but it’s not.
Yes, an effective teacher can create lightbulb moments that shift boys’ perspectives.
But a shift in culture has to happen where that culture is itself constructed. That means engaging with boys’ friendship groups in order to unpack representations of masculinity in video games and television shows, to explore gender hierarchies at school and challenge the way stereotypes impact their identities and relationships.
We have to meet boys where they are.
Colour blindness failed on anti-racism. An all-gender approach has the same issue.
The problem with the ‘I don’t see colour’ mentality towards racism is that it ignores the disparities and challenges uniquely experienced by people of colour through systems of oppression that continue to exist whether we choose to recognize them or not. It actually serves to perpetuate racism because it serves as a method for disengaging from conversations of race entirely.
Similarly, a gender-neutral approach doesn’t take into account the distinct, complex and often tangled experiences and perspectives of students of different genders.
Over the last two decades, global strategies on promoting gender equity have worked on a continuum that differentiates various approaches to gender and health. Simply put, strategies that rely on a gender-neutral mindset are an outdated model.
To make a positive impact in young people’s lives and achieve lasting cultural change, we need to be relational, responsive and intersectional.
Not blind.
Boys respond best when we talk about the experiences of boys and men.
What we have seen again and again in Next Gen Men’s youth programming is that when we meet boys with our eyes wide open to what is going on around them and in their lives, so do they.
Over the years, we’ve initiated conversations on mental health by grieving with boys about Juice WRLD’s untimely death. We’ve explored sexism and accountability on either side of Kobe Bryant. And aside from their favourite music artists and sports icons, we’ve led countless activities and discussions anchored solidly in boys’ experiences and beliefs.
These entry points just aren’t possible in the same way in all-gender spaces. If we want boys to respond to topics like mental wellbeing and gender-based violence with attentiveness and sensitivity to what these issues like in their lives, we must do the same.
Boys will go further when they’re allowed to start on familiar ground.
“In the boys’ accounts of being emotionally and intellectually engaged by their teachers, they convey a sense of being transported, exploring new territory, and feeling newly effective, interested, and powerful.”
Should schools be trying to implement initiatives that include students of all genders and challenge the gender binary entirely? Sure. There are instances in which a universal approach is worthwhile.
But let’s be realistic about the systems we’re still up against, and let’s be aware of what research on best practices for gender-transformative programming is telling us.
A ‘boys program’ isn’t about privileging boys. It’s about effectively supporting, aligning and engaging with our students—and it’s a critical piece to the puzzle of positive change.
ICYMI This Week
Louis’ Story (Breaking the Boy Code Podcast)
Do Men Still Rule Ballet? Let Us Count the Ways. (The New York Times)
How Strengthening Relationships with Boys Can Help Them Learn (KQED)
Written by Next Gen Men Program Manager Jonathon Reed as part of Learnings & Unlearnings, a bi-weekly blog reflecting on our experiences working with boys and young men. Subscribe to Future of Masculinity to get Learnings & Unlearnings delivered to your email inbox.