6 Stories About Boys Losing a Parent
Art by Jim Kay
By Jonathon Reed
Although Canada is not facing the same mortality rate as the US, many of us—boys included—are facing the fact that our loved ones, especially our grandparents, may not always be there. Stories of lost relatives were a significant part of a conversation I had with boys during NGM Summer Camp using Cards For Masculinity.
I think it’s important that parents and educators are able to understand boys’ range of emotions while dealing with truly heavy issues, which is why I’ve decided to feature a list of stories—books, films and music videos—that revolve around boys who are struggling with the grief of losing a parent.
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
By Jonathan Safran Foer
I wanted to touch him, to tell him that even if everyone left everyone, I would never leave him, he talked and talked, his words fell through him, trying to find the floor of his sadness. “My dad,” he said, “My dad.”
An extravagant, moving exploration of the earth-shattering experience of losing a parent, told in the aftermath of the 9/11 attack in New York City. I like the way it processes grief from a neurodiverse perspective.
Beloved
By Mumford & Sons
Before you leave
You must know you are beloved
And before you leave
Remember I was with you
Marcus Mumford sat alongside his grandmother as she passed away, and wrote this song as a tribute to that experience. Charlotte Regan’s music video reflects both the heartache of loss and the comfort of loving memories.
How Could You Leave Us
By NF
I got this picture in my room and it kills me
But I don't need a picture of my mom, I need the real thing
Now a relationship is something we won't ever have
Why do I feel like I lost something that I never had?
Rapper and songwriter NF’s mother died from a drug overdose while he was a teenager. His song, along with Patrick Tohill’s accompanying music video, examine the depths of pain he experienced—and continues to experience—from his unexpected loss.
A Monster Calls
By Patrick Ness
Anger rose even higher in Conor’s chest, thumping his heart against his ribcage. He attacked the monster’s legs, battering the bark with his hands, bringing up bruises almost immediately. “Heal her! You have to heal her!”
A story from Siobhan Dowd that was masterfully brought to life by Patrick Ness and lovingly illustrated by Jim Kay. Both the book and the film adaptation express the irascible fear of a young adolescent on the verge of losing his most important relationship.
The Whispers
By Greg Howard
Gently pressing my head to his chest, he pulls me close to him, wrapping his superhero arms tight around me, and we just sit there while I cry out what’s left of my soul. Dylan holding me. Me holding Tucker. And Mama holding us all.
I originally included The Whispers in 8 Boys Books for Pride Month because of how it touched on 11-year-old Riley’s sexuality, but it’s also a sensitive portrait of traumatic grief and the instinct of a child’s imagination to protect itself. Worth recommending again.
Rebound
By Kwame Alexander
I skip school
for the first time ever
so I won’t have to listen,so I won’t have to laugh
so I won’t have to pretend
like the center
of my universe
didn’t collapse.
A prequel to Newbery Medal winner The Crossover that carries feelings of loss and helplessness in the midst of a multilayered coming-of-age story told in propulsive, hard-hitting poetry. This was my first experience with prose poetry and it’s remarkable.
Many mainstream books and movies with boys are too shallow to offer any kind of touchstone for what they truly experience. Each of these stories, however, have given me better insight into boys’ emotional lives—their resilience, vulnerability and depth. They help me reflect more effectively and compassionately with the boys in my life.
ICYMI This Week
Can early intervention help raise better boys? (Broadview)
‘It takes b*lls to open up to a room of 20 other men’ (The Irish Times)
The State of America’s Boys: An Urgent Case for a More Connected Boyhood (Global Boyhood Initiative)
Written by Next Gen Men Program Manager Jonathon Reed as part of Learnings & Unlearnings, a weekly newsletter reflecting on our experiences working with boys and young men. Subscribe to get Learnings & Unlearnings delivered to your email inbox.
As part of our NGM value of Curiosity, we regularly set goals to encourage ourselves to make time for reading. Read with us at NGM Library.