5 New Books About Boys
By Jonathon Reed
Double post from me this week! Wanted to send this out now in case you have time to curl up and read over the holidays.
We just wrapped up fall youth programs this week. With a bit of breathing space, my attention landed on my bookshelf, where I have a growing collection of books about boys and masculinity. To be blunt, not all books about boyhood make the cut. I don’t buy in to writers that perpetuate stereotypes about boys’ behaviour or uphold pseudoscience as a justification for ‘boys will be boys.’ I know firsthand that boys can be more than what is traditionally allowed of them, and that strong relationships with adult mentors and educators make all the difference.
With that in mind, these are my top five recommendations from the last year.
How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men
By Michael Reichert
“Recognizing how relational boys are can revolutionize boyhood. There are many times when pressures to conform will be overwhelming even to the most courageous or creative boys. But when a boy finds sufficient support that he can keep his own mind and hold on to his heart, he is more likely to take a healthier, more adaptive stance when those circumstances change. The best way to prepare boys for the world ahead is not to train them to follow outdated standards but to permit their humanity to flourish.”
Michael Reichert’s perspective is really the centre of my work. If that doesn’t say enough, praise for the book includes acknowledgement from the president of the Eagle Academy Foundation, the director of the International Boys’ School Coalition, and the founder of Promundo. That’s the big leagues.
Boys: What It Means to Become a Man
By Rachel Giese
“Just as we have encouraged girls to challenge gender norms and limits, we need to encourage boys to do the same, particularly before adolescence when these attitudes begin to solidify. We need to teach them how to talk about their feelings and give them permission to ask for help. We need to create opportunities for them to be tender and nurturing, expressive and vulnerable. We need to talk to them about sex, love and communication, but even more than that, we need to listen and learn from them. We need to look at boys not as a homogenous mass, but rather in all their complexity, individuality and humanity.”
Rachel Giese has a background in journalism, which is why this book includes so many impactful references to research in boyhood masculinity. This was where I learned that disparities in boys’ achievement in school are more significant between race and class lines than gender, plus a dozen other revelations. This book represents the foundation of a lot of continued learning for me.
Boys Will Be Boys: Power, Patriarchy and Toxic Masculinity
By Clementine Ford
“We all have a role to play in dismantling the twin towers of homophobia and misogyny. But we are doing young men no favours when we allow masculinity to be dictated to them by the status quo. Because here’s some news for you. The status quo might revere men as a class, but it destroys them as individuals. And it teaches them to destroy others in return.”
Clementine Ford is a feminist firebrand in Australia and this book is a testament to her unique voice. A provoking, uncompromising and often humorous challenge to the violence perpetrated by norms of masculinity, this book is for anyone seeking to expand their understanding of feminism.
Cracking the Boy Code: How to Understand and Talk with Boys
By Adam Cox
“You may be thinking of a boy who seems impossible to help, who doesn’t want to relate, and who resists any offer of empathy. I know these boys exist in significant numbers, and they test our patience. When the conversation gets personal, however, I hear that relatively few boys lack interest in their own authenticity. Probing for authenticity creates trust and a working alliance. Of course this requires a willingness to take the priorities of boys seriously, and to help them move toward what they value.”
Adam Cox is a psychologist who has worked with boys for decades. This book feels like a handbook for engaging boys in authentic conversation. I’m going to read it multiple times; which is saying something for someone with a reading list as long as mine.
Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity
By Peggy Orenstein
“It’s time to rethink assumptions about how we raise boys. That will require models of manhood that are neither ashamed nor regressive, and that emphasize emotional flexibility—a hallmark of mental health. Stoicism is valuable sometimes, as is free expression; toughness and tenderness can coexist in one human. In the right context, physical aggression is fun, satisfying, even thrilling. If your response to all of this is Obviously, I’d say: Sure, but it’s a mistake to underestimate the strength and durability of the cultural machinery at work on adolescent boys. Real change will require a sustained, collective effort on the part of fathers, mothers, teachers, coaches.”
Tricked you: this book isn’t out yet. But I’ve been waiting for it since 2018 so I couldn’t help but include it. An exploration of young male sexuality and the cultural shifts needed to end male-perpetrated violence, led by the voices of young men themselves—hitting the shelves January 7th 2020.
Wishing you the best, and will write to you again in the new year.
ICYMI This Week
Do men need a gender revolution? (CBS News)
Former hockey pros describe the sport’s dark side (Front Burner)
How to Help a Teenager Handle the Death of an Idol (The New York Times)
Written by Next Gen Men Program Manager Jonathon Reed as part of Learnings & Unlearnings, a weekly newsletter reflecting on our experiences working with boys and young men. Subscribe to get Learnings & Unlearnings delivered to your email inbox.
As part of our NGM value of Curiosity, we regularly set goals to encourage ourselves to make time for reading. Read with us at NGM Library.